The 'Right' Words

There are no standard phrases or words for telling your parents that you are lesbian/gay. Many people start by saying they want to tell their parents something that fear has forced them to keep hidden, or that there is something on their mind that they find very difficult to talk about. If your parents have wondered whether you are lesbian/gay, that is when they will ask you, making this probably the easiest way for the subject to come up.

Perhaps a good approach to take would be to say, "I've known for "X" years that I'm lesbian/gay and I've been too frightened to tell you. I didn't want to hurt you and I was worried you might reject me. I hope you don't, because I don't feel any different about you". However, there are not many daughters or sons who would start a conversation like that. Indeed, it's enough to say, as most do, "I'm lesbian/gay", or "I think I'm lesbian/gay", or "I've known for a while I'm lesbian/gay", or whatever words come most easily to you. Tell your parents why you have not told them before. Usually this is because children fear rejection by their parents, or have not wanted to hurt them. You may have got used to these fears, but they will be new to your parents.

After this point, it is difficult to give specific advice, because parents' initial reactions can vary. There are, however, two points nearly all gay children have in common, which are best mentioned early on. The first is that coping alone is extremely difficult and so pressure has built up inside you. This may help your parents to understand moods and reactions of yours that seemed out of character at the time.