The date was Saturday 21st October 2000, a date I shall never forget. I was at work, and Donna my wife rang me in a distressed state, saying I must come home straight away. I gathered from the brief conversation, that the cause for concern was our 14-year-old son Ben.

I rushed home not knowing what to expect. Was Ben in trouble at school? Had he been caught stealing? Taking drugs? I couldn't believe it was any of these. Not Ben. Not our quiet, well liked, well behaved 14-year-old son.

When I got home, the house was quiet. Donna and Ben were quiet. I could tell both had been crying. I sat down and Donna told me that Ben had told her that he was gay. I was glad I was sitting down! I was completely dumbfounded; I couldn't believe what I was hearing. Our 14 year old son, gay? Not possible, just a phase, too young to know.

Ben had been spending a lot of time on his own upstairs on his computer. Donna had become suspicious and caught him on a gay chat line, the content of which concerned us. After further questioning, Ben owned up to having been on gay chat lines for some time. He broke down in tears and came out to his mum. He told us how lonely he felt. We reassured him of how much we loved him and pledged our support for him.

We were both in a state of shock for a long time not knowing what to do, or who to speak to for some sort of help. We went to see our doctor (I don't know why!) and we told a few friends. We contacted the Midland Gay Switchboard, who gave us Maureen's telephone number. Maureen is the contact for the Birmingham Parents' Support Group. She is someone to confide in and talk to about our worries and fears and understands our feelings. Donna told Maureen that it felt very much like bereavement. Maureen was so wonderful to speak to and recounting her own experience made it that bit easier to accept.

The days that followed left Donna with mixed feeling. She felt ashamed to say that having Ben in the same room was sometimes like having an alien in our house, Donna admitted that she really didn't like Ben and she is glad to say that these feelings soon went away.

Donna didn't go to work or even out of the house for two weeks. I had to go to work to take my mind off this disappointment.

We both went through a period of denial during which we questioned ourselves. What had we done wrong? Was it our fault? What could we have done to avoid it? But we didn't have any answers.

Contacting the Birmingham Parents Support Group was the best thing we ever did.